love me, i hurt.

MY JOURNAL WILL BE FRIENDS ONLY FROM THIS POINT ON. [COMMENT TO BE ADDED.]

2005-10-23T00:58:52Z

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-21T19:19:00

2005-10-21T23:23:47Z

people always let me down.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-21T11:05:00

2005-10-21T21:14:19Z

1. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? yes.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons? use them, i guess. for a really long time.

3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? idk, something stupid probably.

4. What is the best thing about your current job? well i have three mini-jobs. babysitting. cleaning my house (haha). tutoring. and even though im still always broke, they're all convenient and i actually enjoy it. so whatever. ill grow up later.

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class? they say something when it starts ringing during class. but i dont think they realize how much text messaging goes on right in front of them.

6. Are you against same sex marriage? no.

7. Have you been on a date in the past week? never been on an actual “date.”

8. Where are you going on your next vacation? who knows.

9. Quote a song lyric: the killer in me in the killer in you, my love. send this smile on over to you.

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? old.

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? yeah, like all of it.

12. Do you like your parents? my mom’s great. my dad’s ok.

13. Do you still live with them? yes.

14. What state/country are you from? ny.

15. Tell us about the last conversation you had. i heard someone making fun of me in the background.

16. Where do you see yourself in one month. same fucking place i am now, most likely.

17. What is your favorite smell? lots.

18 -- ?

19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar? seems that way.

20. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment? it’s almost 5 pm and fucking cold.

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers? no.

22. Have you ever gone to therapy? currently.

23. Have you ever Played Spin the Bottle? yes.

24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone's house? no.

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? duh.

26. Have you ever gone camping? since I was born. <3

27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend? no.

28. Have you ever been to a nude beach? no.

29. Have you ever had sex on the beach? no. the drink is good though.

30. Have you ever had a stalker? no.

31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no.

32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yeah.

33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one? more then likely im the only drunk one.

34. Have you ever been cheated on? yes. :/

36. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend? YES.

37. Have you ever felt like you were just completely rhino raped? ew.

38. Have you ever lied to your parents? obviously.

39. Have you ever been out of the US? yeah.

40. Have you ever thrown up from working out? no.

41. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight? no.

42. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day? gross.

43. Have you ever gotten so wasted you cant remember the nite before? too many times. among the worst being monday.

44. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on? lol. we used to follow them around the school.

45. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers? no.

46. Have you ever seen your best friend naked? yes.

[spell your first name backwards] elleinad.

[age] 21.

[where do you live] long island.

[four words that sum you up] quiet. sensitive. UNSTABLE. hopeful.

[wallet] um, it’s black?

[hairbrush] purple.

[jewelry worn daily] bracelet with my name, choker, ankh, rings, earrings.

[pillow cover] leopard. or plain.

[coffee cup] i have a few. but I don’t drink coffee.

[shoes] i need new ones.

[perfume] august.

[piercings] my ears. i wish i had more.

[clothes you're wearing now] jeans. black tank top. cut up beige sweatshirt.

MIXED QUESTIONS:

[wishing] something would happen.

[after this] im gonna wait some more.

[talking to] no one.

[eating] nothing.

[fetishes] none that i know of.

[somthing you're looking forward to in the upcoming months] nothing.

[last thing you ate] pasta.

[something you're afraid of] never changing my life.

[if you could have any animals as pets what would they be] monkey, horse, dog.

[three cities you wouldn't mind relocating to] boston, salem, london.

[some of your fav. foods] go away.

[something you wish you could understand better] myself, and why i hate everyone so much.

[miss someone you haven't seen in a long time] whatever.

DO YOU...:

[like candles] YES.

[like incense] YES.

[believe in love] yes.

[believe in soulmates] yes. i want one, please.

[believe in love at first sight] no.

[believe in forgiveness] yes. in most cases.

[want to get married] only if i find my soulmate. otherwise it wont work.

[want to have kids] don’t know anymore.

[believe that you know the person that you'll marry at this point in time] probably not.

IN THE LAST 24 HRS HAVE YOU:

[cried] yes.

[bought sumthin] WEED.

[gotten sick] almost.

[sang] no.

[eaten] yes.

[been kissed] no.

[felt stupid] YES.

[wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't] yes.

[met someone new] idk.

[moved on] yeah right.

[talked to an ex] yes.

[missed an ex] yes.

[talked to someone you have a crush on] sort of.

[had a serious talk] not really.

[missed someone] yes.

[hugged someone] no.

[fought with your parents] no.

[dreamt about someone you can't be with] no.

PERSONAL:

[who is your role model] idk.

[pet peeves] haha. like, everything.

[ever liked someone you had no chance with] duh.

[ever lied to your best friend] yes.

[ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you] yes.

[cried over the opposite sex] YES.

[have a certain "type" of person you go after] yes.

[rather be dumper or dumped] depends.

[rather have a relationship or "hook-up"] relationship.

[what is your fav. part of your physical appearance] whatever.

[what is your fav. part of your emotional being] haha. um, my insanity.

[are you happy with yourself] no.

[are you happy with your life] NO.

[if you could change one thing what would it be] everything.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-20T22:56:00

2005-10-21T03:42:17Z

you know what would be louder?

current:
• outfit: pajama pants, a t-shirt, and a big white lake george sweatshirt my dad got me.
• hairstyle: just down, and still drying from the shower.
• jewelry: nothing at the moment actually. well, except the earrings i never take out.
• underwear: um, it has turtles on it. haha.
• nail color: nothing. nail polish sucks.

do you:
• cut yourself: yes.
• lick yourself: ew.
• whine a lot: haha, yeah. im a fucking brat.
• yell a lot: yes, when im mad. or drunk.
• hate a lot of people: haha. YES.
• have too many friends: no.
• want to die: not at the moment.
• have a bf/gf: no.
• do drugs: YES.
• wear dark colors: most of the time.
• dye your hair: YES.
• shave strange places: lol, wtf.

have you ever:
• kissed someone: DUH.
• gotten drunk: HAHA.
• worn rainbow: i wore some pretty fuckin colorful clothes when i was little.
• talked on the phone for over 3 hours: of course.
• left the country: yes.
• had a party with over 30 people: yes.
• taken nude pictures: haha.
• stolen something: hahah. yes.
• caught something on fire: sure.
• cheated on someone: NO.
• wanted to cheat on someone: NO.
• asked someone out: yes.
• had a dream, then the next day it happens: i dont think so.

last person:
• you touched: my little cousins when i left their house earlier.
• you talked to: my mom. we just ate popcorn.
• you hugged: chris?
• you kissed: chris.
• you instant messaged: i hate instant messanger.
• who broke your heart: duh.

are you:
• understanding: i try.
• open-minded: when i want to be.
• arrogant: maybe.
• insecure: YES.
• interesting: idk.
• hungry: not really.
• smart: sometimes.
• moody: DUH.
• childish: i was told that yesterday. but it was meant in a good way, apparantly. that time anyway.
• independent: when i feel like it.
• hard working: usually.
• healthy: probably not.
• emotionally stable: I WISH.
• shy: yes.
• difficult: haha, YES.
• attractive: blahh.
• bored easily: YES.
• obsessed: maybe.
• angry: apparantly.
• sad: yes.
• happy: no.
• trusting: the only person i trust is my mom.
• talkative: when im fucked up.
• ignored: yes.
• reliable: yes.
• self-disciplined: when i really want to be.
• sleepy: a little.
• lonely: YES.

info about yourself:
• what is your birth name? danielle marie.
• what is your birthday?: april 13.
• current age?: 21.
• do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: i said no.
• how tall are you?: 5'6.
• shoe size?: 8.5.
• brothers/sisters?: michelle.
• job?: babysitting, cleaning, tutoring.

favorites:
• what is your favorite band?: the smashing pumpkins.
• color?: black, orange.
• soda?: i hate soda.
• music?: rock, punk, very little pop, some older stuff.
• stores in the mall?: hot topic, the bookstore, wal-mart haha.
• ice cream?: banana split.
• roller coaster?: idk, dont really have one. maybe space mountain. or the rockin roller coaster in mgm (?). i havent been on a real roller coaster in awhile.
• candy?: chocolate covered cherries.
• cd?: no idea.
• cookies?: i think my favorite cookies ever (sadly) were the ones they used to sell in the h.s. cafeteria.
• juice?: apple juice? and iced tea, if that counts.
• holiday?: christmas, thanksgiving.
• month?: april, october, december.

in the last 48 hours:
• cried?: yes.
• missed someone?: yes.
• yelled at someone?: yes.
• changed your underwear?: duh.
• drove somewhere?: yes.
• talked to someone on the phone?: yes.
• been online?: obviously.
• smiled?: yeah.
• had sex?: nope.
• kissed someone?: yes.
• hugged someone?: yes.
• last thing you ate?: popcorn.
• talked to an ugly person?: um, maybe?

have you ever:
• been in love?: yes.
• kissed someone of the same sex: yes.
• been in trouble with the police? no. i got arrested in my dream last night. it was terrifying.
• hit someone?: yes. im a violent drunk.
• broke something?: YES.
• betrayed a friend?: yes.
• played strip poker?: yes.
• skipped school?: yes.
• stole something?: yes.
• shot a gun?: chris showed me how to use a shot gun upstate.
• broke something important?: probably.
• smoked weed?: DUH. i need to go do that now actually. brb.
• dyed your hair?: k, back. and yes, again.

okay last questions:
• what is sitting next to you?: um, my cell phone, a pillow, and my blanket.
• do you get along with your mother?: usually.
• favorite sport?: dancing.
• are you gay/lesbian/bi/straight? straight.
• been in a plane?: duh.
• killed someone?: no.
• kicked your cat for the hell of it?: if you kick my cat you'd better run.
• slept during class?: haha, almost. damn 6:30 science classes. (got one tomorrow. err.)
• cheated on a test?: not really.
• are you bored of taking this survey?: whatever. i keep doing pieces of it at a time.
• what time is it now?: 11:34 pm.
• are you tired?: a little.

random things i learned today in my useless human adjustment class:

2005-10-21T01:49:11Z

..the actual difference between sanity and insanity is whether or not one is legally responsible for their actions.

..it is politically incorrect to call asia "the orient," for a reason we're unsure of (not that i even knew it was called that in the first place).

..a cell phone in german is a handi, or however you spell it.

..someone in my class doesnt shower, as someone not-so-tactfully pointed out.

i swear this is the most ridiculous class. we spent the first few weeks talking about virtually nothing, because my teacher kept stopping each conversation in order to steer the group in the direction he wanted. we landed on a heavy subject which sent two girls to tears, and eventually lead to a huge blow out and this old man in our class ended up leaving, because yeah, some girls are just fucked up little bitches. and today we take a break and he actually lets us have random conversations and i swear, this is the most ridiculous group of people. this crazy old guy in our class blurts out totally off-topic comments and questions at inappropriate times and it has gotten to the point that everyone starts laughing as soon as he starts speaking. i feel bad for him, because i dont think he knows what he's doing.. and it's actually kind of entertaining to see what comes out of his mouth. and then this guy today all of the sudden yells, in a total moment of silence, "somebody here really needs to take a shower. seriously, i can't fucking take it anymore! how you do get up in the morning?" oh my lord, we all sat there with our mouths open. nobody else smelled anything, but oh god can you imagine if you were the smelly one? that would suck. anyway. my point is - the class is fucked up and i dont get why we get credit for this.

btw- according to hailey im their favorite babysitter ever. haha. i feel special. it's kind of strange actually, having this regular babysitting job and doing all of the things with them that people did with me when i was growing up. it makes me feel old. but i love them. :)

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-19T08:38:00

2005-10-20T12:44:17Z

happy birthday meg !

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-18T11:43:00

2005-10-18T16:00:12Z

1. What did you do last night?
spent the night at chris' crying and going crazy because i was drunk and completely irrational.

2. Who was the last person you called?
my sister.

3. What does the 5th text on your phone say?
"hey, doin anything tonite?"

4. When was the last time you thought about sex?
today.

5. When was the last time you got hurt?
idk, i dont really get hurt a lot. yesterday, i guess.. but that was my own fault.

6. When was the last time you cried?
$%^&! last nite. well, pretty much 75% of yesterday.

7. When was the last time you lost something?
idk. i lose my weed a lot.

8. What are you listening to right now?
step by step. and my dad on the phone in the office.

9. Why did your last relationship end?
go away.

10. What bothers you the most about the opposite sex?
dishonesty and one-track minds, inconsideration, stubbornness, cockiness.. er, probably more.

11. Where was the best date you've ever been on?
i dont know if i ever technically had a "date."

12. What was the first thing a guy/girl bought for you?
i dont know. possibly the necklace from mike in 9th grade.

13. Do you date more than one person at once?
no.

14. What was the last movie you watched?
um, father of the bride.

15. What was the last t.v show?
step by step 'cause im gay. but i need to leave for class again now.

16. What do you want for your b-day?
idk it's 6 months away. money, i guess?

17. What are you doing tonight?
NOT drinking, that's for sure.

18. When will be the next vacation?
no idea. probably next summer with the family. hopefully sooner without them.

19. How do you feel right now?
tired, stupid, sort of sick.

20. Who do you think will take this next?
idk.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-18T08:50:00

2005-10-18T13:01:14Z

when you wake up at four in the morning with your head pounding, and can still barely walk.. when you discover a series of self-inflicted cuts and remember the pool shed at home you broke by slamming your body into it and the picture frame glass shattered on the floor.. when you walk outside and realize your car isn't where you thought you'd left it.. when your mom is calling ur phone incessantly at crazy early hours because she couldnt reach you the day before and had no idea where you were.. when your wallet is empty because you spent nearly every cent you had buying an additional flask of nasty georgi after you finished the bottle.. when you find out you apparantly spent at least 6 hours (not to mention the 2 hours earlier in the day), that really felt like 20 minutes, crying hysterically and flipping out, with your best friend threatening to take you to the hospital or call your mother.. when you havent eaten in days.. and when you're still shaking and walking funny 16 hours after you finished off the liquor.. and it's tuesday morning..

.. you know you have a drinking problem.

haha. gay drug joke from my chemicalwhores community.

2005-10-16T04:28:46Z

Q: Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
A: She thought it was diet coke.

today sucks.

2005-10-16T00:39:41Z

omfg i need weed.

..and for people to answer their fucking phones.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-15T16:53:00

2005-10-15T20:55:50Z

i cant believe i didnt go upstate one time this year. that literally hurts my heart.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-15T16:01:00

2005-10-15T20:46:34Z

001. name: danielle

002. nicknames: dani, daniellifer.. nothing exciting.

003. sex: female.

004. birthday: april 13.

005. star sign: aries.

006. place of birth: long island.

007. current residence: wantagh.

008. hair colour: brown, black. it varies.

009. eye color: blue-ish.

010. height: 5'6.

011. writing hand: right.

body ills and skills

012. do you bite your nails: stopped years ago.

013. can you roll your tongue: um, i think.

014. can you raise one eyebrow at a time: nah.

016. can you blow smoke rings: im not cool like that.

017. can you blow spit bubbles: i guess so. but i dont.

018. can you cross your eyes: not really.

019. colored hair: yes.

020. tattoos and where : not yet. maybe a tiny one on my wrist?

021. piercing and where: plenty in my ears.

022. do you make your bed daily: sort of. its a futon though.

023. what goes on first undershirt/bra or underwear: random.. underwear.

024. which shoe goes on first: right.

025. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone: of course.

026. how much money is usually in your wallet?: not enough.

027. what jewelry do you wear 24/7: my earrings, a choker, an anhk, some rings.

028. what's sexiest on a guy: jeans and big hoodies.

029. what's sexiest on a girl: same.

030: Would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great: depends where im going.

031. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it: both.

032. how many cereals are in your cabinet: a few.

033. what utensils do you use eating pizza: um, my hands. or sometimes a fork & knife.

034. what do you cook: food.

grooming

035. how often do you brush your teeth: twice a day usually.

036. how often do you shower/bathe: once or twice a day.

037. how long do these showers last: 10-15 min.

038. hair drying method: depends. blow-drying/straightening. or i just let it dry.

039. do you paint your nails: rarely.

040. do you swear: sure.

041. do you mumble to yourself: not really.

042. do you spit in public: when the drip comes.

043. do you pee in the shower: ew.

044. whats in your cd player: mix cd.

045. person you talk most on the phone with: haha, my mom. or chris.

046. what color is your bedroom: green.

047. do you use an alarm clock: yeah.

048. name one thing you're obsessed with: mental health.

049. have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex: no.

050. ever sunbathed in the nude: no.

051. window seat or aisle: window, duh.

052. what's your sleeping position: on my side facing the wall. or however i pass the fuck out.

053. what kind of bed do you like: a big one.

054. in hot weather do you use a blanket: a sheet.

055. do you snore: idk, i hope not. ive been told i grind my teeth though.

056. do you sleepwalk: no.

057. do you talk in your sleep: idk.

058. do you sleep with a stuffed animal: not usually.

059. how about the light on: i cant sleep in darkness.

060. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on: tv.

last time you:

061. had sex: 3 or 4 days ago.

062. were kissed: yesterday? or the day before.

063. watched bambi: long time.

064. cried: today.

065. talked on the phone: like 20 min ago.

066. read a book: a day or two ago.

067. punched someone: dont remember. probably fairly recently though.

music

068. is music important to you: yeah.

069. do you sing?: not in front of people.

070. what instruments do you play?: used to play violin. havent learned guitar yet.

071. what do you think of Eminem: his music used to entertain me. now it sucks.

do you like:

072. pop music: SOME. when im in the mood.

073. rock music: yes.

074. punk music: yes.

075. rap music: DIE.

076. hip-Hop/RB: not at all.

077. country: never really listened.

078. jazz: not really.

079. classical: once in a while.

080. new age: maybe.

081. what is one band/singer you like that no one has heard of?: idk. cataklyzm? lol.

082. favorite lyrics: too many to think of right now. including half the smashing pumpkins songs.

"intoxicated with the madness.. im in love with my sadness.."

ABC'S

A - Act your age: when i have to. otherwise i choose to act like an irresponsible teenager. or end up a raging 3 year old. apparantly.

B - Born on what day of the week: friday the 13th.

C - Chore you hate: vaccuuming.

D - Dad's name? jimmy.

E - Essential makeup item? EYELINER.

F - Favorite actor? dont really have one. i like a few though. john cusack, elijah wood, ashton kutcher, hayden christensen, matthew perry, etc.

G - Gold or silver? SILVER.

H - Hometown? wantagh.

I - Instruments you play? blahh.

J - Job title? ha. babysitter.

K - Kids? maybe one day. if i decide to grow the fuck up.

L - Living arrangements? home.

M - Mom's name? jacqueline.

N - Number of people you've kissed? who knows.

O - Overnight hospital stays? no.

P - Phobia? insects, the dark, the unknown, blahh.

Q - Quote you like? quite a few. so i'll go with the first that comes to mind. "to think too long about something often becomes it's undoing."

R - Religion? still working on that. most interested in wicca and more open religions. catholocism can kiss my ass.

T - Time you wake up? early.

U - Unique trait? my elbows bend funny.

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? asparagus.

W - Worst habit? avoidance. self-destructive behavior. stealing. drugs. blahh.

X - Xena Warrior Princess!: whatever.

Y - Yummy food you make? i bake christmas cookies and banana bread for holiday times.

Z - Zodiac Sign? aries.

prozac nation.

2005-10-14T23:48:42Z

so therapy sucked today. i was in one of my moods where i shut down and everything that comes out of my mouth is totally nasty. she sat and stared at me in silence for awhile here and there. it made me want to throw a chair through the wall. i dont even know what was wrong with me. i was fine all morning. drove there in the rain. and the second i walked through the door i wanted to run. @#$%^& i hate myself. i almost started crying too, for NO reason. i cant stand crying in front of people. ugh, i dont know whats wrong with me lately. anyway. she suggested medication again. several times. who knows, maybe my mood swings ARE chemical? wouldnt that be nice. but to give up my drugs.. to go through all the experimentation and the side effects.. err. i dont wanna deal with it. but i know im probably going to have to have to sometime soon. i cant live like this forever..

pre-drinking boredom.

2005-10-14T23:17:28Z

Smoked.

Drank alcohol.

Cried when someone died.

Been drunk.

Had sex.

Been to a concert.

Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.

Been verbally sexually harassed.

Verbally sexually harassed somebody.

Felt someone up and/or been felt up.

Laughed so hard you cried.

Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.

Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Been to prom.

Cried at school.

Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.

Went streaking.

Given a lap dance.

Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.

Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.

Hugged a stranger.

Went scuba diving.

Driven a car.

Gotten an xray.

Hit by a car.

Had a party.

Done drugs.

Played strip poker.

Got paid to strip for someone.

Ran away from home.

Broken a bone.

Eaten sushi.

Bought porn.

Watched porn.

Made porn.

Had a crush on someone of the same sex.

Been in love.

French kissed.

Cried yourself to sleep.

Laughed yourself to sleep.

Stabbed yourself.

Shot a gun.

Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.

Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.

Been online for 9 consecutive hours.

Watched a person die.

Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.

Pranked somebody.

Put somebody in the hospital.

Snuck out.

Kissed somebody of the same sex.

Been to a motocross race.

Avoided somebody.

Been stalked.

Stalked someone.

Met a celebrity.

Played an instrument.

Ridden a horse.

Cut yourself.

Bungee jumped.

Ding dong ditched somebody.

Got caught stealing something.

Kicked a guy in the balls.

Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.

Went out with your friend's crush.

Got arrested.

Been pregnant.

Babysat.

Been to another country.

Started your house on fire.

Had an encounter with a ghost.

Donated your hair to cancer patients.

Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd to be asked out by.

Cried over a member of the opposite sex.

Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.

Sat on your ass all day.

Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.

Had a job.

Gotten cut from a sports team.

Been called a whore.

Danced like a whore.

Been mistaken for a celebrity.

Been in a car accident.

Been told you have beautiful eyes.

Been told you have beautiful hair.

Raped somebody.

Danced in the rain.

Been rejected.

Walked out of a restaurant without paying.

Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.

i feel weird today.

2005-10-14T23:04:05Z

like i've been cut open down the middle and everything's pouring out.

I AM:: unstable.
I WANT:: to learn how to function normally. without being normal.
I HAVE:: to buy more fucking weed later. AGAIN. err.
I WISH:: i had more drugs.
I HATE:: my mood swings. and being left alone.
I MISS:: being able to breathe.
I FEAR:: life. death. normality. rejection.
I HEAR:: will & grace.
I SEARCH:: for my sanity.
I WONDER:: where i went wrong.
I REGRET:: more than i wish i did.
I LOVE:: feeling free.
I ACHE:: for better days.
I ALWAYS:: avoid things. self-destruct. fall apart.
I AM NOT:: sure about much these days.
I DANCE:: in my dreams, because it seems to have left my life.
I SING:: alone.
I WRITE:: when i can focus my head for more than two seconds.
I LOSE:: my drugs all the time. but then i find them.
I NEED:: to go on a diet.
I SHOULD:: stop being so destructively impulsive.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-09T23:37:00

2005-10-10T03:47:06Z

to those of you who read this (and you know who you are), im aware that im the worst friend ever.

i dont mean to be. and i have nothing against anyone. i just have a lot of issues right now. and yeah, i know everyone else does too, but mine affect my life in all these little ways i cant always control, or even recognize. so whatever. i know i dont make sense. but im sorry, and hopefully things will be different soon.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-07T17:44:00

2005-10-07T21:49:28Z

1. If you won the lottery, would you consider donating a percentage of the money?: of course.

2. Would you consider getting Botox injections to your armpits to decrease sweating?: um, no.

3. Do you wear a lot of corduroy?: no.

4. Does the weather have a very large impact on your moods?: YES.

5. If you had a child, do you think your child would have any reason to be ashamed of you?: probably.

6. Do you buy eggnog around the holidays?: ive never had eggnog.

7. Did you play cowboys and Indians when you were a small child?: no.

8. Do you watch your neighbors from your windows?: creepy.

9. Do you live within 5 miles of a lake?: yes.

10. Do you believe that personality is everything?: not everything. a really big part though..

11. When someone says they love you, do you naturally want to say it back, even if you don't mean it?: no.

12. Do you have any real reason to be depressed?: what’s a “real reason”? whatever. Im depressed, reasons or not.

13. Do you have more respect for the United Nations or the United States? haha. united nations.

14. Is it concieted to consider oneself unique?: I certainly hope not.

15. Would it fill your heart with joy to see other people crying for you?:   wtf.

16. Do you think the war in Iraq will end in 2005?: no. fuckin people.

17. Do you know anyone who has ever been held hostage?: don’t think so.

18. If your teenage son impregnated a girl, would you force him to do whatever it took to support her?: I don’t have a teenage son, thanks.

19. Are angels creepy?: no.

20. Do you think the New England accent is annoying?: nope.

21. Which print do you prefer: leopard or zebra?:   leopardd.

22. Would you break up with someone if you thought they were too pompous and arrogant?: I guess it would depend, but those are pretty high on my list of turn-offs.. so probably.

23. If you saw a hurt animal, would you try and help it?: if I could.

24. Do you think there will be another terrorist attack now that Bush is re-elected?: who knows.

25. Should a license be required to have children?: YES.

26. When on an airplane, do you hope to meet someone interesting sitting near you?: fuck that. I put on headphones and read a magazine.

27. Do you come from a large family?: yes – a very large extended family.

28. Would you ever purposely let your country's flag touch the ground?: huh? whatever.

29. Is it difficult for you to decline a date from someone you are not interested in?: I’d probably make some stupid excuse. or run away and avoid them.

30. Are people in online relationships just fooling themselves?: most likely. If it stays online.

31. Does it bother you that Rhode Island isn't really an island?: maybe, now that you mention it.

32. If Hillary Clinton were to leave her husband, would your opinion on her go up or down?: um, I don’t really have much of an opinion of her.. though I don’t know why it would change anyway.

33. Do you ever run with scissors?: not really.

34. Have you done something illegal today?: hahah. YES.

35. Which is worse: Being labeled, or being a nobody?: depends.

36. Do you think someone will ever try to assasinate Michael Moore?: maybe. people are fuckd up.

37. What song are you listening to at this very second? (If you aren't listening to anything, turn on the radio.):   im watching gilmore girls.

38. Would you rather have a square or a round pizza?: round.

39. Are you afraid of being famous for doing something stupid?: idk.

40. If the Pope has a liver transplant, is he still infallible?: um, I guess? the church is gay. [no offense]

41. Has the world really changed that much since 9/11?: yes.

42. Do you think the diary of Anne Frank is genuine?: yes.

43. If your best friend's partner was bisexual, would you approve?: of course.

44. If Satan walked up to you on the street and offered you BBQ Chicken, would you accept his gift?: I don’t believe in satan. but why would you take chicken from someone off the street, satan or not?

45. Would you say that your country is liked by the rest of the world?: NO.

46. Do you feel like the majority of the world is ignorant?: yes.

47. Do you help control anger by writing songs, poems, etc?: not usually..

48. Do you view bandanas as gang symbols?: depends.

49. Do you need to "clean up your act"?:   a bit.

50. Do you have a celebrity crush?: not really.

51. Are you a good storyteller?: possibly.

52. Are your computer speakers usually turned on?:   yes.

53. Do you have a life dream that no one else knows about?: sort of.

54. Do puppies melt your heart?: aw, yes.

55. Do you think that someone who doesn't drink alcohol AT ALL is weird?: no. I couldn’t do it though.

56. Are you a racist scumbag?: uh no.

57. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?: succeeded.

58. Do you think Americans are scared of change?:   yes.

59. Are Vegan diets healthy?: healthier than some, but I think they are better ways to eat.

60. Do you enjoy watching shows that deal with forensics?: yes.

61. At this rate, are you going to Heaven or Hell?: I don’t believe in heaven and hell.

62. Could there be a terrorist attack in your area?:   there could.

63. Do you worry about food safety?: yes I guess.

64. Can bitchy behavior be self-justified?:   lol.

65. Do you have over 100 people on your buddy list?:   yeah.

66. Do you relax when you are around animals?: I don’t relax ever.

67. Would you like to be able to read thoughts?: sometimes.

68. In your opinion, is it wrong to say "Oh my God!"?: no.

69. Do you like your strawberries dipped in chocolate or covered in sugar?: both.. but chocolateee <3

70. Do you think any hip hop songs have good messages in them?: haha, doubtful.

71. Do you feel sorry for Martha Stewart?:   uh no.

72. Do certain swear words just roll of your tongue?: yeah.

73. What hurts more, knife cuts or paper cuts?: depends.

74. When you hug someone, do you wrap your arms around their neck or their waist?: neck.

75. Do you use your mind enough?:   TOO MUCH.

76. Would you rather own a parrot or a hen?: haha. a parrot.

77. Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?: probably.

78. Do you have any idea what you will be doing 10 years from now?: NO.

79. Do you pre-plan your meals?: sometimes.

80. Pet owners: If your pet was a human, would it be gay or straight?: I don’t know, but one of my cats would be a prude, and the other would def be a fuckin player.

81. Would you like to be cloned?: no.

82. Do you believe that your name fits your personality?: no, I hate my name.

83. Were your parents born in the same decade?: yes.

84. Do you exercise before you eat in the morning?: no. I wish.

85. Were you a proud owner of a snap bracelet?: yeah.

86. Is it better to be single or in a relationship?: it depends.

87. Do you think police officers have the right to use a stun gun on a 13-year old?: not unless they were gonna shoot someone.

88. Which is the better way to discipline a child: this question has way too long of an answer to write in this survey.

89. Would you let your child spend the night at Michael Jackson's house?: ew.

90. Do you often forget what day it is?: no.

91. Do your grandparents play bingo a lot?: not at all.

92. Do you own a copy of Thriller by Michael Jackson?: no.

93. Do you prefer reading or writing?: reading.

94. Do you prefer hamsters or gerbils?: hamsters I guess. but both really.

95. Do you think animals have a religion?: no.

96. Are you a powerful person?: no.

97. Do you think marriage would change who you are?: in some ways.

98. Do you meddle in other peoples’ business?: sometimes.

99. Do you think the teenagers who take abstinence vows are probably the ones that weren’t going to have sex in the first place?: idk.

100. Are you ever attracted to your teachers?: nah.

101. Do you think your parents have always been faithful to each other?: yes.

102. Does the word "hello" seem formal to you?: no.

103. Do you think that schools should be allowed to ban un-natural colored hair?: wtf, NO.

104. Is it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time?: YES.

105. Do your eyes change colors from time to time?: yes.

106. When you sit really still, can you feel your pulse?: yes.

107. Does cursive handwriting serve any real purpose nowadays?: I guess.

108. Have you ever had melted cheese on your fries?: yes. drunk diner fooddd.

109. Have you ever encountered a rude person in a wheelchair?: I don’t think so.

110. Are you often the last one to understand a joke?: sometimes maybe.

111. Has your home been decorated by an interior designer?: no.

112. Do you believe in reincarnation?: YES.

113. Do you think the government was involved in 9/11?: YES.

114. Would you ever kiss someone with no teeth?: maybe when im really, really old.

115. Do you wash your hair every day?: yes.

116. If we keep making exceptions for homosexuals, do you think the next generation of homosexuals will be spoiled brats?:   wtf.

117. Can experience be gained just by reading?: in a way, but not really.

118. Do you have any gay friends?: yes.

119. Have you ever been to Stonehenge?: no.

120. Do you consider darts to be a sport?: no.

121. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it?: ive never had one.

122. Is it always better to be safe than sorry?: usually.

123. Do you look more at someone’s mouth or eyes when they are talking to you?: depends.

124. If you were around second-hand-smoke enough, would you be swayed to smoke yourself?: no. second-hand smoke makes me nauseous.

125. Do you think anyone can be an actor?: no.

126. Okay, what song are you listening to now?: go away.

127. Do you talk just to hear yourself, even when you’re alone?: haha, no.

128. Do you think you’ll ever visit the Clinton Library?: what?

129. Do you emotionally hurt people on purpose?: sort of. I have issues, apparantly.

130. Would you date a minister?: no.

131. On vacation, do you usually take more pictures of landscapes or buildings?: landscapes.

132. Do you think pit bulls should be illegal to own?: um, no.

133. Are your parents willing to help you through college?: obviously.

134. Is it obvious that one of your family members did drugs in the sixties?: haha.

135. Do you think people worry too much about being open-minded?: some.

136. Are you offended when you see a visitor in your country wearing a crest of their flag?: no.

137. Would you rather master one language, or learn two languages and be average in them both?: master one.

138. Do you think that Jesus was just a magician?: no.

139. Should ‘freak dancing’ be banned from school dances?: uhh.

140. If Fox created a sitcom starring Jennifer Lopez, would you watch it?: HAHAH.

141. Is your monthly cycle so regular that you always know which day you’re going to start?: wtf.

142. Girls: Do you care that when you cry, your mascara runs?: I don’t usually wear mascara, but if im already crying I probably wouldn’t give a shit anymore.

143. Guys: Do you get all soft when you see a girl crying?: ---

144. Do you think baseball is a dying professional sport in America?: idk.

145. Should America get rid of the electoral college?: idk.

146. Can Lindsay Lohan really sing?: eh.

147. Are you more creative alone, or with others?: alone.

148. Does every family have a crazy uncle, or is it just mine?: maybe.

149. Do you like green bean casserole?: never had it.

150. Have you ever smuggled anything in to America?: lol, no.

151. Do you like to play dominos?: havent in awhile.

152. Do you end up making a fool of yourself when you try flirting with someone you really like?: not usually.

153. Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive?: sometimes.

154. Do brain teasers make you feel dumb?: not really.

155. Did you ever have an Easy Bake Oven?: yes. <3

156. Do you enjoy fishing?: yes.

157. Do you think the Egyptians could have used wind to build the Pyramids?: no.

158. Beef or pork?: beef.

159. Was this survey random enough for you?: I guess.

160. Is this the longest random survey you’ve ever taken?: no, sadly.

xrocks923 @ 2005-10-03T19:12:00

2005-10-03T23:16:37Z

*Section 1 – Eye color*
- Your eye color – blue/hazel
- Your Mom’s eye color – blue
- Your Dad’s eye color –blue
- Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s eye color – ex bf: brown
- Your dream match’s eye color –brown

*Section 2 – Hair color*
- Your hair color – blackish, at the moment
- Your Mom’s hair color –brown, with blondish highlights
- Your Dad’s hair color –brown
- Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s hair color –ex bf: brown
- Your dream match’s hair color – dark

*Section 3 – Height*
- Your height – 5'6
- Your Mom’s height – i dont know
- Your Dad’s height – i dont know
- Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s height –ex bf: 6'3
- Your dream match’s height – taller than me

*Section 4 – Other*

- - Would you ever… - -
- Do drugs – what do you think im doing right now?
- Drink – haha.
- Deliberately do something wrong, just to provoke a parent/teacher – maybe if i was mad enough, but probably not.
- Deliberately cause harm to another human – not unless i had a really, really good reason. or self defense.
- Deliberately cause harm to an animal – no.

Which do you prefer?

+ power rangers/ninja turtles: ninja turtles.
+ boxers/briefs: boxers.
+ elmo/grover: elmo?
+ Rosie O'Donnel/Caroline Rhea: uhhh.
+ Who Wants To Be A Millionare/The Weakest Link: ive never watched these.
+ Men/Women: depends.
+ Sunglasses/Hats: hats. sunglasses look terrible on me.
+ punk/emo: lol.
+ 2%/Skim: whatever.
+ Spanish/French: blahh.
+ 50 Cent/Eminem: eminem.
+ BMX/Skateboarding: whatever.
+ South Park/Simpsons: southpark i guess. never really watched the simpsons.
+ chap stick/lip balm: either?
+ Past/Present: errr.
+ Bugs Bunny/Mickey Mouse: aw, mickey.
+ DVD/VHS: either.

How many times a day do you...

* eat: depends on the day.
* Write: depends on my mood.
* Talk to someone: not many.
* Shower: once or twice.
* Jump around in circles: am i drunk?
* Lose something(and what): i misplace my drugs a lot. but they always come back.
* Use the phone: a few.
* want to kill yourself: depends on the day.
* want to beat up a rent a cop: ummm.

Favorites...

& Film Genre(s): comedy, drama, idk.
& Item on your keychain: an ankh.
& Computer/Video Game: dont play them.
& Painter: i dont know.
& Person (People): people suck.
& Way to eat coconut: i never ate a coconut.
& Relative: too many.
& Method of torture: tickling.
& Electronics Brand: no idea.
& STD: uhhh. no.
& Color for sheets: black.
& Away message: intoxicated with the madness.
& Phrase/Quote: fjdjfds. too many. to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. [ralph waldo emerson]
& Way to relax: read. smoke.
& Assassination: right.
& Number system: um, metric?

What would it be...

^ What superpower would you have: telekenesis.
^ What fetish would you have: umm..?
^ What historical figure would you fight: fjdksjfdl.
^ What mythological being would you be: a nymph. or a fairy. something of that sort.
^ What animal would you marry? haha.
^ What weapon would you use on Godzilla: um, a really big gun?
^ What commercial would you get rid of: all of them.

If you had _____ you would...

% Ten Million Dollars: travel. pay school debts. buy a house upstate- with horses. start a career.
% A hammer: smash something.
% Two toothpicks: put them in a sandwich and trick chris into eating it.
% A celebrity slave: thats stupid.
% A pet monkey: play!
% An airplane: fly to europe.
% A movie theater: um, watch movies?
% Four dancing clowns: run far, far away.
% A magical stick: make magic.
% Marlon Brando: who?
% Three flashlights and some cheese: hmm.
% No power: light candles.
% To write a book: do it.
% A jungle: explore.
% A time machine: go back to the 1600's.
% One Dollar: buy something?
% Lost the internet: be annoyed.
% Killed someone: have a panic attack.
% No life: kill myself.
% To live with someone you hate: wouldnt.
% Thirteen ghosts: spooky.
% An obsession with cleaning your ears: ocd.

Have you ever wished...

! That you were someone else: yeah.
! To be stuck on an island by yourself: no.
! For penguins to invade your city: aw, fun.
! That the animals in the zoo would be free: sure.
! For that wedgie to go away: um, right.
! That you were in Austrailia: sometimes.
! That you invented something no one needed: uhh.
! To speak every language: no.
! For that one person to shut their trap: of course.
! To get rid of pop-ups forever: duh.
! That you didn't know anything: no.
! To star in a sitcom: no.
! For Batman or Superman to save your life: not really.
! That you could do the polka: no thanks.
! To beat an orange to a pulp: wtf.
! That you could play an instrument(which one): guitar, drums.

Random Questions. Or the Final stretch...

$ Who is Tony Clifton: you tell me.
$ Do you watch Animal Planet regularly: no. occassionally.
$ When was the last time you smelled your socks: ??
$ What day do you wish it was: doesnt matter.
$ Which Jackie Chan movie would you be in: ive never seen a jackie chan movie.
$ If there was a man standing on your toilet, what would you say: wtf?! *runs away*
$ What question would you add to this survey: jfdklsfjdsklf
$ How many dimes in $23.65: who cares.
$ When will you grow up: probably never.
$ How much would it cost for a new haircut: $12.
$ When was your last haircut: a few months?
$ Are you always this bored: sometimes.
$ What are your thoughts on crying: i generally do it too much. for a release. and 'cause im a mess. but i havent been able to lately, which i actually think is a bad thing.
$ The perfect vacation would be: ireland. best friend. camera. drugs.
$ Did you know Ms. Cleo was a fraud: huh?
$ How about those Jamaican accents: what about em?
$ Why didn't you show up last night: 'cause im effing tired.
$ What is the best thing you could ever do: become less selfish and explore my potential.
$ Which decade was the best in America: centuries ago.. in the simpler times.
$ How many questions were on this survey: blahh.

omfg.

2005-09-30T19:23:14Z

it's fucking coldddddd!

anyway. i was completely exhausted this morning, so i skipped my 630 science class and got to sleep for 2 hours. im gonna regret that by the end of the semester. damn attendence policy. but i managed to make it to my bowling class for day two of our "tournament." surprisingly i actually got my highest score ever - 131, which is still pretty pathetic. went to therapy afterwards, which i dont hate yet - so that's a plus. maybe ill actually stick with it for once. we'll see.

but yeah.. it's freakin early and im boredd and i wanna go out and get fucked up already !

err. im so impatient.

btw - hopefully getting a new phone tomorrow.

you lie, cheat and steal.

2005-09-30T08:17:03Z

so it's 4 am. just got home. sitting here alone. coming down. with no weed.

i gotta leave for class in less than 2 hours.

and im fucking pissed off.

i leave my bag alone for TWO MINUTES tonite at this girls house.

i come back and my fucking phone is GONE.

fucking dickhead drug addicts. DIE.

like tonight wasnt bad enough. i so didnt need this. @!#$%^&*()

beauty in the breakdown.

2005-09-27T00:13:38Z

i felt like i was going to die today. seriously. wtf is wrong with me? i continue to waste endless time and money on something that makes me feel little more than stress and anxiety. i may as well be asking for a panic attack. or a heart attack. or a fucking od. but the moments of regret and utter fear fade away and i always end up back in the same fucking position.

why am i so goddamn unstable?

just when i think things may change..

2005-09-27T00:04:46Z

...i realize everything else will always come first.

i am expendable.

xrocks923 @ 2005-09-26T19:48:00

2005-09-26T23:53:13Z

smoked a cigarette.
smoked a cigar.
kissed a member of the same sex.
crashed a car.
stolen a car.
been in love.
been dumped.
shoplifted.
been fired.
been in a fist fight.
snuck out of my parent's house.
had feelings for someone who didnt have them back.
been arrested.
gone on a blind date.
lied to a friend.
had a crush on a teacher.
skipped school.
seen someone die.
been to Canada.
been to Mexico.
been on a plane.
thrown up in a bar.
purposely set a part of myself on fire.
eaten Sushi.
been snowboarding.
taken painkillers.
love someone or miss someone right now.
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by.
made a snow angel.
had a tea party.
flown a kite.
built a sand castle.
gone puddle jumping.
played dress up.
jumped into a pile of leaves.
gone sledding.
cheated while playing a game.
been lonely.
fallen asleep at work/school.
used a fake id.
watched the sun set.
felt an earthquake.
touched a snake.
slept beneath the stars.
been tickled.
been robbed.
been misunderstood.
pet a reindeer/goat.
won a contest.
run a red light.
been suspended from school.
been in a car accident.
had braces.
felt like an outcast.
had deja vu.
danced in the moonlight.
hated the way you look.
witnessed a crime.
pole danced.
been obsessed with post-it notes.
squished barefoot through the mud.
been lost.
been to the opposite side of the country.
swam in the ocean.
felt like dying.
cried yourself to sleep.
played cops and robbers.
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers.
sung karaoke.
paid for a meal with only coins.
done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
made prank phone calls.
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
caught a snowflake on your tongue.
danced in the rain.
written a letter to Santa Claus.
been kissed under a mistletoe.
watched the sun set with someone you care about.
blown bubbles.
made a bonfire on the beach.
crashed a party.
gone rollerskating.
had a wish come true.
humped a monkey.
worn pearls.
jumped off a bridge.
screamed penis in class.
ate dog/cat food.
told a complete stranger you loved them.
kissed a mirror.
sang in the shower.
had a dream that you married someone.
glued your hand to something.
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole.
kissed a fish.
been a dancer.
sat on a roof top.
screamed at the top of your lungs.
done a one-handed cartwheel.
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours.
stayed up all night.
didn't take a shower for a week.
pick and ate an apple right off the tree.
climbed a tree.
had a tree house.
are scared to watch scary movies alone.
believe in ghosts.
have more then 30 pairs of shoes.
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say.
gone streaking.
played ding-dong-ditch.
played chicken.
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on.
been told you're hot by a complete stranger.
broken a bone.
been easily amused.
caught a fish then ate it.
made porn.
caught a butterfly.
laughed so hard you cried.
cried so hard you laughed.
mooned/flashed someone.
had someone moon/flash you.
cheated on a test.
made out in the rain.
had a Britany Spears CD.
forgotten someone's name.
slept naked.
French braided someones hair.
gone skinny dipping in a pool.
been kicked out of your house.
killed an animal.
done alot & yet there is still something missing.
My older sibling drinks and parties.
I am the older sibling who drinks and parties.
I have wasted hours and hours of my life shuffling cards.
I have a foot-fetish.
I love baked potatoes.
I have a friend/sibling who is in Iraq right now.
I like Dark Side of the Moon more than The Wall.
I love candles and incense.
I am/was once on the Water Polo team at school.
I have been made fun of for having braces.
I get lonely easily.
My boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on me.
I am deathly afraid of spiders.
I have stolen a pair of bowling shoes.
In the past 24 hours, I have said something that I regret.
I couldn't draw anything for my life.
I like the Gary Jules version of "Mad World" more than the original by Tears for Fears
But I still LOVE Tears for Fears.
I have a Mac.
I have a million freckles.
I enjoy tap-dancing.
I adore cute and sappy things.
I dream in color.
I read the newspaper this morning.
I should be sleeping.
I have been in a film before.
I am an actress.
I am passionate about the things I excel at.
I love to wear makeup.
I am a very lazy person.
I have a headache right now.
I love black and white photography.
I am a Walrus.
I can run a six-minute mile or better.
My lucky number is 3.
I have suspicious things innocently laying around my room.
I watch cartoons an awful lot.
I eat a lot of junk food.
I haven't touched a potato chip in years.
My car is ghetto.
I hate sleeping/going over at/to other peoples' houses.
I am stressed out.
I have film to develop.
I enjoy school supply shopping more than school clothes shopping.
I have written a really, really angry song.
I have painted my fingernails black.
I have gotten multiple D’s on one report card.
I have watched every episode of at least one tv series.
I am a kung-fu master.
I cry for no apparent reason all the time.
I have a barfing problem.
I have broken my computer.
I go for over 3 days without bathing all the time.
I have made out with my best friend.
I have discovered what happens when you put metal in the microwave.
I have beaten a video game the same day I bought it.
I know every word to at least two John Cusack movies.
I think crayons are the most fun things ever.
I think the current president is a shit-bag.
I have toilet-papered someone’s house.
I have dressed up as a condom for Halloween.
I can sing all the words to Queen’s "Bohemian Rhapsody".
I am afraid of answering the phone.
I believed in Santa Claus for over 10 years
I aspire to be a construction worker.
I work at Burger King.
I have masturbated on the phone before.
I am allergic to peanuts.
I have been the lead in a play.
I can speak computer jargon fluently.
I want to go to college outside of my home state.
I think my family is full of wackos.
I believe that there is a God.
I have a pet named after a fictional character.
I am the world’s biggest procrastinator.
The most important thing in my life right now is my boyfriend/girlfriend.
I have questioned my sexuality.
I have a foot fetish.
I have participated in a chick-on-chick brawl.
I have snorted cocaine.
When I don’t know the words to a song, I make them up myself.
I have lied to a complete stranger.
I realize that the high school social hierarchy was a waste of my time.
I listen to Christmas music year-round.
I have bought someone a really cool gift and ended up keeping it for myself.
I worry about things that don’t matter a lot.
I like my first name.
I spend more time on the computer than I do on anything else.
I know more than any person ever should about the characters of Boy Meets World.
I have written a story.
I have over a thousand songs downloaded onto my computer.
I have built a snowman and cried when he fell down.
I have friends in college that I miss very much.
My absolute best friend is a member of the opposite sex.
I own my own private island.
I have older siblings.
I am constantly being compared to other relatives.
I have stayed up all night with someone who was sick.
I have been in a wedding.
I have worn all black on Valentine’s Day.
I count the relationships I had in elementary school when someone asks me how many boyfriends/girlfriends I have had.
I have wished something horrible on another person.
I have painted a picture.
I would trust my friends with my life.
I am horrible at driving.
I have done things I am not proud of.
I drive myself insane.
I have dialed a phone number I found on the wall.
I get high on the weekends.
I walk around my house naked.
I feel like I am out of control of my life.
The only conversations I have with my parents are screaming matches.
I have fallen wildly, passionately in love with someone the first time I saw them.
I know what the Booh-bahs are.
I have been in rehab.
I have tried to commit suicide.
I read a lot of books.
The first thing I want to do when I get home is go back to bed.
Every day of my life I wish that something were different.
I have been sexually abused.
I firmly intend to abstain from sex until marriage.
I have argued my way into an R-rated movie.
I have been so moved by an act of kindness that it’s brought me to tears.
I have been scared out of my wits.
I have stolen something that was really expensive.
I have gone streaking.
I really do like to dance.
I watch internet porn on a regular basis.
I cannot wait for something big to happen.

fuckk i feel like i havent been home in forever.

2005-09-25T06:22:10Z

20 years ago I... (1985)

1. was a year old.
2. was living in the house i currently live in.
3. was an only child.

10 years ago I... (1995)

1. graduated from forest lake.
2. was a naive child, but happy.
3. was a complete teacher's pet.

5 years ago I... (2000)

1. was hanging out uptown and twirling on corners.
2. still had never drank alcohol.
3. liked short guys.

3 years ago I... (2002)

1. graduated high shool.
2. started smoking weed.
3. lost my virginity.

1 year ago I... (2004)

1. started doing yayo.
2. wasn't in a much different place than i am now. but, in a way, a very different place.
3. transferred to nassau.

So far this year I... (2005)

1. became an alcoholic and a drug addict.
2. started changing myself from the inside out. little by little.
3. become increasingly disappoint with life and people.

Yesterday I...

1. went on a field trip for science where my teacher attempted to get us to hop a fence and break into a nature santuary when we got there and it was closed.
2. beat everyone i bowled with. with a score of 105. which is really sad.
3. spent the nite whispering @ christophers.

Today I...

1. woke up at 1 and got lunch @ the "cow hole" place with chris, jesse and jessica.
2. went in search of garage sales and bought random shit.
3. played Risk for the first time and won.

Tomorrow I will...

1. wake up early and party all dayyy.
2. pray this weekend continues (for once) to not suck.
3. be angry that i have school the next day.

In the next year I will...

1. become less self-destructive.
2. find happiness without drug assistance.
3. learn to deal with shit. and people. and myself.

beauty is a curse on the world.

2005-09-21T01:58:04Z

nip/tuck time !!